Recrudescence

The return of something terrible after a time of reprieve

They say a lot can change in a day… boy were they right. I’m still not quite sure what absolute fuckery occurred which means this is our reality, but unfortunately for ALL of us, it is.

I was struggling to articulate what the vibe was, not just for myself, but across social media, when I came across this by the nation’s favourite wordsmith, Susie Dent. It’s a perfect articulation of the events of the last 24 hours; we’ve returned to the dark ages after a short time living in the light (not that I’d necessarily describe Biden as a beacon of hope but up against He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named he’s practically Dumbledore). The drizzly, grey sky filled with looming clouds only served to reinforce the general ambience of dread.

I’ve been pretty disengaged with the news for the last few years, even going as far as to remove X and BBC News from my phone, as I was finding myself doomscrolling incessantly and feeling increasingly depressed. You could say I bury my head in the sand when it comes to global news, but I think you’ve got to do whatever you can to protect your peace of mind. However, even I have found it impossible to ignore the current state of US politics, especially as it has an impact on so many people and issues I care about.

The world generally feels like a very scary place to be a woman, trans or non-binary person right now. Rights which we’ve taken for granted as being permanent are being revoked, our safety is threatened any time we leave our homes (or even within them), and we are being made to feel less than, after decades of fighting to reach equality. I’ve gone from growing up feeling confident that, as a woman, I have the power and opportunity to do anything, to raising a daughter who may be in a worse position than her counterpart 30 years ago.

I use my voice and my words to advocate for what I believe in; for what’s right, but I, like so many other women, am tired. I’m exhausted, dispirited, overwhelmed, anxious and fearful for the future.

We’re taught to revile the groups who committed genocide during past wars, but femicide is happening right now and those in power are letting it happen. “Women and children first” used to be the motto, but now, no one’s safety is guaranteed. We’re taught to be thankful about the Suffragette movement and the radical ways in which they fought for voting equality, yet women are being stripped of their rights on a daily basis, and we are expected to stay quiet. We’re taught about the sexual liberation of the sixties thanks to the contraceptive pill, but autonomy over our bodies is being stripped away with anti-abortion rulings and a rise in violent sexual crimes. We’re told to be loudly grateful and proud of everything that has happened to improve our lives, but we’re silenced and minimised if we try to ask for more.

Where we are as a society isn’t enough. It isn’t good enough - it never was. And now, we’re slipping even further back. What are the history books going to say in 30, 40 years time? I guess we can only hope that this is seen as an unfortunate blip - a period of countless mistakes caused by the wrong people being put in power. Sadly, I’m scared that it’ll just show the point at which things began to take a steep decline.

I wondered if I had the right to feel like this; as I mentioned, I don’t really engage with politics and I live in the UK. Is it silly to care, or to feel impacted by the news?

I’ll rephrase the question - is it silly to feel devastated by the message that having a known sexual offender in such a position of power sends? Is it silly to care about the negative impact this will have on the lives of billions of people?

Plus, it’s not like the election is all we’ve had to worry about for the last few years. A cost of living crisis, constant threats to our climate, a FUCKING PANDEMIC. The fact we still have the capacity to care about anything else is a bloody miracle.

“It’s normal to feel worried. There's been a build-up of stress and worry about this election, over many months, on top of the political situation in the Middle East and Russia and Ukraine – this means our cortisol levels have been [steadily] rising,” says author Tanith Carey.

“Our brains are not happiness machines, they are survival machines,” Carey says. "This means our brains take more notice of threats and give more attention to them [and bad news] rather than the good things happening in the world. Constantly raised cortisol gets in the way of the smooth running of our brain's reward system, where good feelings are made.”

So if you’re feeling shit, this is me saying - I feel you. I understand. I’m in it with you. We can’t give up. We’ve got to keep advocating and campaigning and speaking about the things that matter to us, no matter how tired we are. But if you need to take a break; have a digital detox and go offline for a bit, that’s ok too. The fight will still be there tomorrow, but we all need to make sure to protect ourselves in the battle.