Would you criticise a mother with a crying baby? I’m sure for 99% of you the answer would be a resounding no, unless the mother in question was dangling their baby upside down by their ankles. Yet, that’s exactly what happened today to a mum at the baby cinema showing I went to (like regular cinema but with the lights left on and an expectation of a low level or carnage).
News flash - babies cry. Earth shattering revelation, I know. Sometimes the remedy to the crying is easy and obvious. Other times, it’s not. No matter what you do or try, the baby just won’t stop crying. It’s stressful and frustrating for both of you. It can feel never-ending. But it does eventually stop. Being told to “take control of your baby” does sweet fuck all to help make it stop though. Last time I checked, babies don’t come with a remote control. Sometimes when babies cry they just don’t want to be soothed, they don’t actually know what they want, except to cry it out. As a mum, this is hard to deal with and becomes 100 times harder when you’re being judged or criticised.
The woman who said those unkind words did apologise, after being informed the screening she was at was especially for mums and babies (probably gotta hold the venue somewhat accountable for not making that clear). But regardless of whether that was the case, a throwaway comment because you’re pissed off you missed a line of a film can have such a detrimental effect on the psyche of a woman who is probably already struggling in some capacity, thanks to lack of sleep and an overwhelming amount of pressure.
A story recently did the rounds about a young guy who filmed his experience on board a long-haul flight, during which a baby cried for the majority of the trip. It seems there’s a definite divide in public opinion, with some people offering their consultations to the man and criticising the baby’s parents, while others called for more sympathy and understanding for the mum. People have been calling for child-free flights to become a thing.
I get it, it’s not a fun noise to listen to. But it’s no more fun for the parent than it is for Joe Bloggs. We don’t relish the sound of our baby crying. We’re not immune to it - quite the opposite. It’s ok to find it irritating and distracting, but it’s not ok to take your frustration out on a vulnerable new mother. I hope that the mum in question is able to forget about it and move on, but I suspect that the experience will stick with her for a while now.
Kindness costs nothing and a tiny jot of empathy can go a long, long way, especially for someone running on caffeine and not a lot else.